1. Instead of Nick and Vanessa Lachey, the Aussie version would be hosted by Matty J and Laura Byrne of Bachie fame.
2. When the question “Is love really blind?” would be asked, one of the potential grooms would absolutely make a problematic joke about getting blind.
3. The blind dating part of the show would be filmed on the Gold Coast where they filmed The Bachelors, and the honeymoons would be in Fiji.
4. Some guy would definitely try and do a shoey instead of drinking out of the classic gold wine goblets.
5. The standard intro for getting to know each other in the pods would be “Hey, how’s it goin’?”
6. And instead of having deeply emotional chats in the pods, there’d be more talk about how shit the weather is in Melbourne and how much it sucks driving in Sydney.
7. Continuing on with the classic Aussie repressed feelings, no man (or woman probably) would ever drop the L-bomb before meeting face-to-face.
8. And proposals? While the Americans like to talk in deeply emotional monologues, the person proposing on the Aussie version of Love Is Blind would probably just say, “Hey, wanna give this a crack in the outside world? All good if not.”
9. If someone rejected a proposal, the rejectee would probably just mutter “No wukkas” as a response.
10. And if someone accepted, there’d be a relieved “Thank fuck” whispered from the other side of the pod.
11. Upon meeting face-to-face, a contestant would 100% refer to their new spouse as “a good sort”.
12. If there were contestants unhappy with each other’s behaviour, you could guarantee someone would be called a C-U-Next Tuesday at some stage in the experiment.
13. Instead of romantic honeymoon Mexican dates with margaritas, one guy in Fiji would do a Michael McCormack (drink too much kava and have to be escorted out).